The subtle communications of victory and defeat
There will be times you have to offer a few words, verbally or in writing, when things have not gone your way. Do you know how to strike the right balance between disappointment and confidence? World class athletes continue to inspire their fans after victory, and after defeat, showing humility and empathy; applying such grace in professional or political settings is an important skill to have, whether or not successes and losses happen in public.
Listen.
We were treated to an epic men’s singles final this year at Wimbledon, when Carlos Alcaraz defeated reigning champion Novak Djokovic in five thrilling sets that kept us glued to our screens for hours. Such admirable sportsmanship does not end with the final score; it continues with the post-event communication and body language we see.
I usually stick around to observe how people in the public eye communicate when still feeling the adrenalin of victory or the pain of defeat. Have they elegantly conceded their loss? Are they gracelessly boasting at the expense of others? Have they charmed with dignity and empathy, or has their style vexed us?
We tend to naturally gravitate towards people who maintain poise and still show top sportsmanship after they’ve won, and after they haven’t.
Granted, it’s usually easier to find nice things to say when you have won, an eventuality for which you probably prepared. But losing and making a statement that will resonate with your audience - a statement that should age well, to boot - is more challenging, especially with a small window of opportunity.
In sports, as in most politics, the conventional way is to congratulate or praise the opponent and go from there. It should be the same in other professional settings, such as when winning a competitive deal or a coveted position.
Sometimes, stating the obvious is enough, along the lines of “Carlos is a fantastic player and deserved to win.” If only everything was that easy.
Many other times, you may have to dig deeper to find a quality in your counterpart that is relatable to your messaging. You may have to extend compliments to someone who coveted what you’ve just won, sounding neither patronizing nor overly self-effacing. You also have to look ahead and weigh how your words will be received by your opponent’s audience — one you probably don’t want to alienate needlessly.
In a social or political context, it could sound like “I hoped for a very different result, but I know that we both believe in improving our collective safety,” a concession that finds common ground between the respective audiences, voters, or clients.
There will be many angles to consider rationally when celebrating or conceding; try to think beyond your current excitement, or your hopefully temporary dejection. As celebrated athlete and coach Harry Sheehy famously put it, “it is your response to winning and losing that makes you a winner or a loser.” After the Wimbledon final, most Grand Slam fans probably found they still had two inspirational champions.
One of the most notable communication examples of humility, civility and grace in a time of defeat remains the letter written by President George H. W. Bush to his successor, President Bill Clinton. It embodies the essence of good taste and affinity, all the more powerful when considering the deep divide between Republicans and Democrats.
“Dear Bill,
When I walked into this office just now I felt the same sense of wonder and respect that I felt four years ago. I know you will feel that, too.
I wish you great happiness here. I never felt the loneliness some Presidents have described.
There will be very tough times, made even more difficult by criticism you may not think is fair. I’m not a very good one to give advice; but just don’t let the critics discourage you or push you off course.
You will be our President when you read this note. I wish you well. I wish your family well.
Your success now is our country’s success. I am rooting hard for you.
Good luck—
George”
As I hope you ponder the lessons of this remarkable letter, remember to choose your words wisely, be graceful when you address your defeats and your victories, and always get to the point.
July 2023
